The rapper left behind pieces of his life in the wake of his sudden death; a burgeoning artistic career, and questions that we may not know the answers to
By: Phil Akre
Note - *I’ve wanted to tackle this subject for a while, I just didn’t know when the right time would be. *
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A few days after Mac Miller died from an accidental overdose, I, along with millions of fans and friends, grappled with the subject of his passing. The familiar questions appeared as they often do when someone we admire passes so suddenly. Why them? Why this way?
At first, he was an immature kid.
My friends and I were in eighth grade when Blue Slide Park dropped. We talked about each and every song on the album, every single day. We discussed seeing him in concert, even though our parents (at the time) wouldn’t let us near a show that a) featured a rapper and b) might (definitely) have drugs or alcohol.
There was something about him, this quality that he was uniquely himself. He never hid from the questions about his label as a ‘frat rapper.’ And at first, in a twisted sadness that would eventually evolve into a personal demon, he embraced the fact that he loved partying, whether that involved trying drugs of all kinds or relying on the bottle.
Mac was a complicated, yet painfully simple person, at least from a far. He wanted people to enjoy his music, and he wanted people to feel good about it. One lyric from ‘Best Day Ever’ encapsulates that feeling - “No matter where life takes me, find with a smile.” He was a man who loved his life, but was brought down by addiction. While he had his demons, he did his best to show his best face to those that admired him.
And that’s why it’s difficult to ponder his ultimate legacy. There's so much left to piece together in the wake of his death, it feels like the music community is still deciding how to go about the obvious question ahead of it - how does Mac Miller live on?
He had just released Swimming, arguably his greatest artistic achievement up to that point in his career. His tour in support of the album was ready to go, too. That’s why it’s so painful to look at his Twitter and see his last tweet just a day before his death - “I just wanna go on tour.” He will always have left behind a world that is still yearning for him to release new music, jump across the stage and to offer playful opinion on real world matters.
When we question ourselves years from now, asking what we think of Mac, how will we think? We’ll remember the 26-year-old and his power over the hip hop scene. He was a titan in a field full of underground rappers trying to make a name for themselves. Listen to his mixtapes like K.I.D.S (2010) and Macadelic (2012), and it’s clear to see the immense leaps he made in such a short time. He constantly chased innovation. It was evident that he wanted to be the best, without being overbearing.
We’ll certainly remember him as a life cut tragically too soon. He wasn’t far off from the infamous ‘27 club’ - he died at 26. He died at an age when no one should perish, and at a time when everyone least expected it. If one was even a casual fan of his music, they were probably at least minimally aware of his ongoing substance abuse problems. You didn’t have to read tabloids or social media to guess, because he was brutally straightforward about it, whether it was comparing a potential death with that of Philip Seymour Hoffman (‘What Do You Do’) or the demons the size of his house (‘2009’).
Malcolm McCormick was always open about his substance problems and the ways he attempted to clean up. That’s what makes his death particularly difficult to grasp. He penned one of his last defining songs, ‘2009,’ with reflection at the forefront. We’re taken back to 2009, the last year before he achieved widespread fame. He tells us of the simpler days, and he reaches deep to portray the mental difficulties he was faced with.
By the end, we understand that his main source of happiness is making music for him and his fans. At its base, the song is a simple journey through his life. But the trials and tribulations of his life tells the story of a human being that, despite his bubbly exterior, was severely cracked beneath the surface.
It was all ended from the one problem he had continually talked to us, the fans, about; addiction. It doesn’t matter if one believes in the righteousness of death. Drugs can’t be the scapegoat - he didn’t shy away from questions surrounding his use. The reality is that the world lost a gifted, troubled and soulful mind. In an age where artists platforms carry immense power and value, he was at the forefront of discussion in an array of subjects.
He was able to make us question ourselves, one of his greatest strengths. In his poignant number from Macadelic, ‘The Question,’ he asks himself, “Sometimes I wonder who the fuck I am.” Don’t we all sometimes? The authenticity and delivery of his many questions often make us feel as though there’s something greater to his music and purpose. The song reflects his want to get away to that place, the place where life suddenly doesn’t have many problems, a place where the search for euphoria is reached.
Sometimes, human nature is to escape problems. We all knew it, Mac just didn’t feel like hiding it.
I guess that’s why it is hard to believe he’s gone. He didn’t have to hide anything, and he definitely didn’t need to censor himself. That’s what made him so likable and so sincere. You felt as if there was a safe spot when you listened to his music. It didn’t matter if it was about parties, trying to find weed, or about his struggles. You always felt he was just doing his thing. He was soft-spoken, electric, yet calm. Tragically, on Swimming, it sounds as if he had finally made peace with the problems that had dragged him down for so long.
Coming to grips with his death is a task that the music scene will likely feel for some time. A lot of people in it lost a friend, a family member and a kindhearted man. We’ll remember him for his maturation throughout his short career, but his immature charm may ultimately remain as his lasting image.
It’s the thought that will never be answered, and one that fans and future generations will never find the answer to.
What if?
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Phil is currently a senior at Quinnipiac University where he studies advertising and integrated communications with a journalism minor. You can find him on twitter here.